i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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