Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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