I'm really into asian looking animals
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
