apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
