Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
