Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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