You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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