So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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