she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Vodka?
Forever.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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