Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
