Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
