I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
