I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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