i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I would ride that face into the sunset
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
