I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
