someone owes me an orgasm
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
