I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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