Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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