We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
sex in a hospital.. check
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
