Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
