i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I have aggressive nipples.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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