I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Randomize
