About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
