wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
