i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
