He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
