It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
