At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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