he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
