I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
