Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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