who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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