I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
