Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
