we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
