So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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