It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
