now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
