i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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