Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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