worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Houston, we have a blender
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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