and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
