Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
