Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
