Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
