I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
