where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
