Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
