i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
