i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
